Using the skills learned in therapy is easier said than done. If it were as easy as saying "here's the thing I'm going to do" and then doing the thing, therapy would be really short or not necessary at all. We get caught up in old patterns that have served to get us this far and it's difficult to change directions. It's uncomfortable to try new ways of handling situations and setting boundaries and there will not be a point where it's completely comfortable. We have to be okay enough to implement the skills. "Okay enough" means having the internal safety to experience uncomfortable feelings and also keep moving through the situation. The only way through is through. This is something that I talk about with my own therapist quite often because I want so much to finally be able to feel no anxiety or fear in difficult situations. I want to win therapy! Our emotions give us a lot of information, though, and we need them. If you don't feel guilty for doing something that caused harm to someone else, you'd be antisocial and probably not have any friends. If you don't feel anxious about having a difficult conversation with someone, you won't care about the other person's feelings or will just not care about the situation at all. Emotions will not last forever because it's literally impossible. The emotions will pass and you can definitely stand it while it's happening. It's difficult to remember this if you have ADHD or BPD because time isn't perceived correctly and it will absolutely feel like the emotion will last for eternity. It won't. I promise. So get to the thing doing!
To learn more about sitting with big feelings, join my DBT skills class.
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